Believe it or not, we’re here. The last of the 2020 babies are heading off to kindergarten.

The start of kindergarten feels like a huge milestone for both you and your child. With it comes big feelings for both you and your kid. I’ve already sent my first off to kindergarten. I remember feeling all sorts of anxiety over the unknown. What will it be like? Do I have everything she needs? Will she like it? Will she make friends? Will she be able to find her classroom? Her bus? Will her teacher be kind? When will I learn the bus schedule? Will she be able to open everything in her lunch? Will she know how to buy lunch? The list is endless.

As I prepare to send my second-born off to kindergarten some of those anxieties are not there. I know the school. I know more specifics to prepare him. But beyond all of that, this is the last time I will send a child to kindergarten. And I feel something I didn’t expect. I feel a mix of grief, gratitude and awe…all at once.

I found out I was pregnant in February 2020. We had big plans to tell our families about this newest addition to our family in late March 2020. Those plans didn’t happen thanks to the COVID pandemic. Instead of telling our families in-person, we told them over zoom.

My first appointment was delayed as doctors’ offices, and the world, scrambled to figure out how to approach the world around us. When I finally went in for my first appointment I had to go alone. It was just myself, one doctor, one nurse, one phlebotomist and one receptionist in the office. It was one of the eeriest feelings walking into that first appointment alone to see a doctor I’d never met just hoping that everything would be okay.

This pregnancy was marked with so many unknowns. It was going to every appointment alone. Praying your partner could attend at least the anatomy scan. It was leaving the house as little as possible to keep yourself and your unborn baby safe at a time when we just didn’t know the ramifications of getting COVID while pregnant. It was drive-by baby showers and isolation. It was COVID testing before having your baby. Your partner not being able to leave the hospital for fear they couldn’t come back. Delivering in a mask. Maybe even delivering alone. No visitors. Letting go of the moment you always dreamed your oldest would meet their younger sibling. It was bringing home your little one and not having visitors. It was being completely isolated in the newborn bubble. Making hard decisions again and again to keep your baby safe with what little information you had.

And now, somehow, that little baby is old enough to start kindergarten. Ready to take that first big step to becoming who they are meant to be. The first big step of independence. No part of their entry into this world was “normal”...but hopefully this step will be.

So mama if you are deep in your feelings as you get ready to send your little one off to kindergarten, know that you are not alone. Snuggle them a little bit tighter and know that they are strong and resilient. Just like you. Because all they have known is your love, strength, and resilience. We’ve got this.

P.S. If you’re in your feelings as school starts, come to class. Bring the tissues if you need to. We’ll be there.